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Don’t keep calm. Freak out immediately.

April 21, 2013

So, I’m watching stand up comedy in my room in the middle of the night.

It’s Saturday night.

I’m not out drinking or fornicating, or dancing or doing any of the things that young people should be doing.

I’m laughing my ass off as jokes that a forty five year old white man is telling. I relate to that humor. Because deep in my soul I’m like a really repressed old person.

It’s 2 in the morning, so it’s pitch dark outside, and over the television I hear someone tapping at my window. I see only two eyes peeking between the curtains.

My first reaction is totally normal. I scream “WHAT THE FUCK” and run out of my room.

Now I’m just standing in the living room panicking. My chickens have come home to roost. Some angry ex has come calling to claim my life and take my soul to the other side.

Next, I run to see if my roommate is home.

I knock on his door and yell, “Abel, someone is outside of my window. Come quick!”

He’s not in his room. So, I do the next most sensible thing. I run to the front door to check for cars to see who is at home. Right after I open the front door, I realize that I’ve just opened up the house to who ever was at my window.

I then slam the door, lock it, and run to the living room to panic some more.

The door bell rings. I run to the side of the door and peek through the front window to see who it is.

It’s my roommate Abel. He’d locked himself out. He thought it would be a good idea to knock on the window for me to let him in.

I would have never gotten such a fright had I been fornicating like a normal person in her 20’s.

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